Nov. 30th, 2015

auberginedreams: (Default)
i am one of those people who believes that the best way to deal with an issue is to simply let it go. of course, you, i, and everyone else in the world knows deep down that this is a terrible strategy. i am not saying that i find a way to circumvent every obstacle thrown my way, but i let go of things to easily and have a tendency to repress unfavorable memories. i am quick to forgive and quicker to forget.

there's a lot of shit in my head that i simply refuse to confront. push it to the back of my mind, sweep it under the rug. sometimes the tidal waves break my carefully constructed dams and everything comes crashing down around me until i can rebuild. i like to convince myself that i've lived this idyllic, picturesque life. in a lot of ways, i have. but we've all got issues. only no one, not even my closest friends and family, really knows about mine.
auberginedreams: (Default)
i fuckin hate my history teacher. well, that's a bit harsh. but it's pretty true. i'll stick with it.

i don't do well with control freaks. people who need to have every moment of time structured, who need my every move choreographed, who shoot dirty looks my way if i so much as cough at the wrong time. why should anyone give a shit except me if my notes aren't color coded correctly or whatever the fuck her problem of the day with me is? i've had teachers like her before and i'll have teachers like her again so i guess i have to learn to deal with it. but i feel like environments like this stifle creativity and kill individuality. her convoluted rules and systems won't teach me anything and the way she calls me "sweetie" or "honey" and pats my shoulder and then proceeds to insult my intelligence is obnoxiously condescending. so thank you, mrs. american history teacher, for making me feel incredibly stupid and never failing to publicly humiliate me at every possible opportunity.

sorry

Nov. 30th, 2015 05:38 pm
auberginedreams: (Default)
dear you,

i'm sorry. i feel like i'm leading you on and it sucks for both of us. i really want to be your friend because i could really use someone i can talk to here in my new "home." unfortunately, i feel like that can't really happen unless we both feel comfortable just being friends. i don't want to push you away or confront you about any of this. i just want you to know that i'm sorry, but i'm not your girlfriend and i never will be. no matter how hard you try, you cannot change who i am.

sincerely,
me

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