fuck you. fuck you for being a snarky, egotistical asshole. fuck you for being awful to everyone but me. fuck you for being the first person i met in this town, the first person to make me blush, the first person to make me smile, and the first person to make me cry. tonight is the second time you've made me cry. i think. it might be the third or fourth, i've tried to block those memories. fuck you for caring about me and tearing everyone else down. fuck you for hurting the people i care about. fuck you for always seeing me at my worst (but that one's mostly my fault). fuck you for being smart and talented, and fuck you for knowing that you'll always win because of that, even if you're a dick to everyone. fuck you for making me want to impress you. fuck you for making me embarrassed and shy and fuck you for getting to me. you always get to me and i've spent the past six months trying as hard as i can to stop letting you. fuck you for telling me your secrets and leaving me with no idea what to do with them. fuck you for making me want to know everything about you so i can finally understand why you're such an asshole. i wish i could say i hate you. i really really do. but that's the problem: i don't care about you because i see that there's probably a good person under all that obnoxiousness, i care about you with your smartass attitude and your general asshole-ness. i can't get you out of my pores as much as i scrub and scrub and scrub because you'll always be the boy with the breathtaking piano piece and the beautiful blue eyes. so i'm begging you. pull me close or throw me away, or else i'll forever be stuck yelling fuck you when i really mean the opposite.