auberginedreams: (Default)
[personal profile] auberginedreams
god, i just wish we had more time. the sad thing is, we had time. i spent a whole year agonizing over you, making angry blog posts, and lusting from afar. during that time you grew up without me; you're an adult now, a computer science major at a fancy school across the country, a software engineer at a startup in san francisco. and me? well, i'm nowhere near that point yet. our date last night was really wonderful, you were so sweet. i need to see you again so i can kiss you properly. but as of right now you're officially ignoring me because it's been three hours since i texted you and you said you get home before 9 (it's 10). and if you keep this up, we might literally never see each other again ever. which would suck because i wasted an entire year being so incredibly nervous around you that i had to pretend i hated you in order to not make a fool of myself whenever you walked in the room. and so far i've only spent about three hours righting that. i feel like i'm getting a taste of my own medicine because for the last few months i've been messing around with a guy who likes me way more than i like him, and now i'm chasing after you while you couldn't give less of a shit about me. every dance, every show, every event this past year where i've gotten dressed up i prayed and wished and dreamed that you'd be there with me. because as hard as i try to deny it, i really do like you. so much. when you played that beautiful song on the piano in the band room, i knew you were the boy. the boy i'd never forget, the boy i'd chase after and brood about and dream about and cry about. the boy i could love if i tried. and oh my god, that was like the second day of school. i'm still so young, but i was younger a year ago. i can (mostly) keep my composure around boys, i've gotten a hell of a lot better at kissing (i was never bad, but now the reviews are extremely positive), and i know what i want. and with you, i want three weeks of happiness. let's take this roller coaster as high as it can go because i don't care how big the drop is. i just want memories of you that leave a good taste in my mouth, because right now most of them involve me being incredibly embarrassed, humiliated, or literally crying because i couldn't keep my shit together around you. you always seem to have it all figured out and i am so, so jealous because i know i have my life about as together as you do but it doesn't show at all. i just want to look cool around you. i compensate with crop tops and short shorts so you'll pay attention to my body because i'm insecure about my personality. but i worry i'm just making you feel bad. you don't have to talk about how you're going on a diet or working out all the time because you are fucking perfect the way you are and i absolutely love that you're chubby. jesus christ i miss you and your eyes (they're the most stunning shade of blue, by the way. i'll tell you that in person if you'll ever let me). you're only a few miles away so i can't imagine how hard it'll be in a month. but. every bit of heartache would be worth it if you'd spend these last couple weeks with me. maybe, just maybe it would lessen my regret of the last year.
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.


auberginedreams: (Default)

August 2016

 1234 56

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 25th, 2017 04:20 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios