auberginedreams: (Default)
2015-11-28 12:45 pm

romance, or lack thereof

sorry i've been gone for a while, i've been pretty sick. i think whatever i was down with was made a hell of a lot worse due to stress. i hate school. anyway, today i'd like to write about a topic that befuddles us all sometimes: boys. i really have issues with forming relationships and i think that would best be explained through a few stories.

let's start with freshman year, my first real boyfriend. it was known to each other and basically everyone else in school that we liked each other, but he rejected me when i asked him out on the grounds of some ridiculous excuse i can't remember. he did tell me that he liked me though, so i held on. we became good friends. i asked him to the winter dance and he turned me down. i held on. we started texting on a regular basis and went on a group date or something that didn't really seem like a date at all. i told him i had been diagnosed with depression and he said he had to go to class. i kissed him in march and high fived him afterwards cause i didn't know what to do. he called me in may and asked me to be his girlfriend. i didn't really want to say yes but i did because i had fought so hard all year for him. i kissed him on the last day of school and we went our separate ways for the summer. he took me out on a date before school started again and i realized that it wasn't really working out. we held hands in the hallway and ran into the guy i was starting to like at the time who coincidentally had the same name as my boyfriend. yikes. i found out that he was planning to ask me to homecoming and i broke up with him. we never spoke again.

that same year, sophomore year, a new boy moved to town. he was adorable and i knew he could have his pick of any girl at the school. i invited him to my halloween party and he cuddled with another girl all night. i figured i had zero chance with him so my friend suggested i just tell him i like him. i did one day before class and he didn't know what to say so he just hugged me. we became good friends later and it turns out he was a huge player and fingered three different girls each week so i wouldn't have wanted to date him anyway. although, we were hanging out one day and he told me that if i had just asked him out he would have probably said yes. well.

in the spring of my sophomore year i was playing a show with a gorgeous dark haired guitarist and bassist. he could sing too and he had a lovely voice but he was really self conscious about it so he just played. i had a friend find out if he was single and he was. i was essentially peer pressured into asking him out and i thought there was no way in hell he'd say yes but he did. i got his phone number and we picked a time and place and went on what i thought was an awesome date. we hung out downtown, he bought me dinner, and we crashed a college party and never ran out of things to talk about. i was thinking about kissing him goodbye when he said "well, see you around" and left. we never spoke again and i still have absolutely no idea what went wrong.

this year, on my first day at my new school, i walked into my first class ready to throw up and a boy and his friends asked me if i was there for a class which i was definitely not there for. i stuttered out a no and started to panic. his eyes widened and he began to apologize profusely, introducing himself and explaining that he had no idea i was new. i joined a couple clubs that he ran and began to reply to his emails about club matters in a way that i considered flirtatious but would probably not appear so to anyone else. i made a cute, romantic playlist not-so-subtly directed at him on my music blog but he either didn't see it or ignored it. i finally got up the courage to ask if he wanted to go to a show with me because i didn't know anything else to do around town. he said yes and got my number and we began texting. turns out he didn't actually know any of the bands so i went to those shows with friends. i thought things were going really well but then he asked why i was so nervous asking if he wanted to go to a show and i said cause i thought he'd say no. he said he was too nice to say no, despite what other people might say. well. i didn't want his pity so our relationship dwindled to glancing at each other during class and blushing when we caught each other's eyes. turns out he's quite obnoxious and kind of an asshole sometimes so i'm definitely rethinking pursuing him, but sadly i still check my phone every hour to see if maybe he's texted me or liked one of my photos on instagram. and the holidays are coming up and i don't really wanna be all lonely and bitter like usual. maybe i'll just try again. he looks really good in black skinny jeans.

there have been many more almost loves and unrequited romances that could fill up a book, but those are the ones who stick out to me the most. my parents say just give it time and guys will be chasing after you. we'll see about that, but i don't really want to be thrown into life completely unexperienced. i'll keep you updated on how this works out.